Philophobia
by Newget
Summary: The simplest emotion was the most complicated to deal with. Never once did she believe she could feel it from another person, until one late night.


**So this is a request from the lovely ice-bringer (on tumblr). It was supposed to be a small drabble, but it turned into a full on one-shot. It is still smaller than what I usually write, but it was pushing towards 2k words. Most of my drabbles can be found on tumblr (still don't know if I'm going to publish them), and I'm still accepting requests! So shoot me something on my own tumblr... newghet!**

 **The prompt given was Merik w/ the biggest lie anyone told you**

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 **Philophobia** \- The fear of being loved. Whether it be in a romantic relationship or friendship.

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She could feel his breath against the back of her neck, her loose pink strands tickling the sensitive skin there. Meredy's hands were tied to the back of the chair, the rope cutting the circulation off. She could barely feel anymore and this situation wasn't any better.

Hardly anything was visible due to the blinding light she was placed under. She had been here for what seemed to be days but was only hours. Her captor asking her question after question, never ceasing to stop. There was nothing personal asked or anything concerning morality, but it was just odd. Her maguility magic wasn't helpful in getting her out, and the placement of her hands didn't allow any use for the placement of an enchantment. Where was the guild when she really needed them?

"I'm getting tired of this," Meredy was not impressed when she (the voice was light and feminine, so she assumed it was a woman) asked what her favorite flower was. "I don't know what sick games you're trying to play, but I'm just gonna put it straight. Nothing is working, just face the facts."

She held her head up high, hearing brisk footsteps circling around her. A shadowy figure stood on the faroutreaches of the light, a menacing aura radiating from it. "Shut up, and just answer the question. You'll see soon enough." She dismissed her, uncaring for Meredy's opinion. The more she listened to the figure's voice, the more it sounded familiar.

She grimaced and complied. "I like are touch-me-nots." She grinned, eyeing the figure who stood in bafflement. They stepped forward and Meredy kicked her leg up. "Don't even dare come close, there are a couple people who will be very unhappy if you leave a single fingerprint on my body." And it was certainly a fact, Erik and Jellal would fuck him up. Ultear would too, but she's been gone longer than she has.

The figure's eyes flared, glowing a deep blue. Meredy was now terrified, the person looked like a demon. In a moment, the voice was back behind her, a clawed hand wrapped around her neck. "Don't play games with me," it hissed, "answer this question correctly and I will let you go."

She stilled in her chair and nodded, fear coursing through her veins. A nail pressed into the column of her throat, threatening to puncture her. "What is the biggest lie anyone has ever told you?"

Meredy knew she shouldn't take the question lightly, but she couldn't help herself. "That you're going to let me live." The nail crossed and she could feel the warm liquid starting to pour from her neck.

"Wrong." The simple response made Meredy shudder.

Struggling against her bonds, she shuddered. Another clawed finger joining the ranks, gasping for air. Her hold lessened once she began to speak, "That Ultear was my real mother!" She exclaimed hastily, eyes burning with terror.

The claw moved slowly over her neck, opening the wound more. Blood trickled down, leaving a trail of fire against her body. "Wrong once again. Should I give you a hint?"

Should she take it? No. Meredy shook her head, the hand squeezing her airway. Just as the blood flowed, her tears began to. The figure tutted and Meredy was able to breathe once again. In just a couple steps, she understood why she knew the voice.

It was her.

A much more disfigured and lost version, but it was still Meredy. Those long cotton candy pink locks greasy and disheveled, her face bruised and swollen. Her clothes barely clung to her body, hanging off of her figure in the worst way possible. One of her legs jutting out at an odd angle, she looked hopeless.

Meredy gasped, flooded with tumultuous emotion. She knew this couldn't be real, all of this was off. She couldn't remember how or when she got here, also how she had gotten kidnapped in the first place.

"Just one hint," her own self said. "How does it feel whenever anyone says 'I love you?'"

With that, she disappeared. Everything around Meredy beginning to fall. The blood seeping from her throat like a waterfall, she was going to die and there was nothing else to be done or said about it.

Then, still bound to the chair, she fell into an eternal abyss of darkness.

* * *

She awoke, screaming. Panic and terror trembling throughout her own body. Her bedroll, blankets, and Erik… He was gone. The only things drenched with sweat were herself and what she was sleeping in.

The flap to the tent was ripped open, pure horror laced in the violet iris of her boyfriend? Things were complicated, but she had been sleeping with him for the past year. "Where is the fucker?"

Purple fumes were dripping from his hand, looking around the tent with uncertainty. Wiping her face, Meredy shook her head. "Settle down. Nothing is wrong." It was a total lie, but she knew that Cobra wasn't going to question it.

"But you were just screaming bloody murder. You can't tell me nothing is wrong, I can hear you. Remember?" His single eye was transfixed on her and she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Then why can't you tell me what happened?" She wasn't in the mood to deal with Erik and his pressing questions. She knew that if he really wanted to, he would delve into her mind.

He sat beside her, groaning. "That isn't true, Meredy." He was about to grab her hand, but she crossed her arms over her chest. "I respect you too much to do that." Cobra sighed, smoothing his hand over the bed roll.

Meredy pressed her hand against her throat, the blood only a phantom to her. "You shouldn't ask questions you know you won't get an answer to then." There was no more beating around the bush with him anymore.

"Just talk to me, candy." She smiled at the nickname he gave her, but shook her head. "None of his bullshit will get fixed if you aren't honest."

She shook her head once more, her throat tightening. She could feel the tears threatening to spill again. "I don't even know what's wrong…" Meredy rubbed her hand against her throat, wishing the feeling would go away. That clawed hand and the feeling of falling.

 _How does it feel whenever anyone says I love you?_

Those words echoed in her mind and she knew Cobra could hear it. His normal poker face was busted, a mask of confusion worn instead. "Meredy…" He pulled her shaking hand away from her throat, holding it in his own. He didn't say anything as the cogs turned in her head. She was in pain, her magic pulsating within her own hands.

Pink began to glow and she could feel exactly what Cobra was feeling. He was in turmoil with himself, just as she was. In that jumble of emotions, there was one outlining the others - _love_. Turning her head, the man who sat beside her nodded.

"Do you really love me?" The words coming out shakily, the pink glow dimming. All that shone was his purple iris, watching her carefully. Alarms were set off, this couldn't be real. Was it just a dream within a dream?

He picked her hand up and kissed it, nodding. He was solemn while waiting for her reply, but she couldn't believe it. She could feel it, which was confusing. Her brows furrowed, hoping her hand would give her an answer. No one could love her.

Yet the longer she held Cobra's tanned and scarred hand in her own, she felt it. The overwhelming emotion filling her heart, to which the same feeling was reciprocated. That same purple eye watching her, and she knew she had been in love with him for months. Did he really feel the same?

"Erik…" His real name slipped from her mouth, and she was unsure of whether or not to regret it. His hand gripped hers in assurance, begging her to continue.

She bit her lip, shaking her head. This wasn't a reality, she wasn't capable of being loved. "Those thoughts are bullshit and you know it." He pulled her close to him, petting her hair. "I love you, and nobody, not even yourself, should stop you from feeling it." He pressed her hand against his heart, the pink still pulsing from her hand.

"You can feel it, can't you?" His voice was hoarse, wavering. He held her in desperation, trying to hide those tears filling his single eye. "I love you, Meredy. Believe me, please." His cry was unexpected, those same droplets spilling onto her cheek. The warmth spreading into her skin and she could feel him even more.

Meredy nodded, pulling herself away from him. "Don't cry, Erik." She pleaded, wiping those hot tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Placing his hand against her cheek, he smiled. Cupping her chin, he brought her in for a chaste kiss. And then there was another one, and another one, his kisses beginning to find their way down her neck.

Next thing she knew, she was stripped of her soiled clothes. Erik's member placed at her sacred gates and she let him in. It was sweet and blissful, every thrust filled with the emotion she was least familiar with.

And when she came, she professed her feelings. Love, that was it. She finally understood the emotion for what it was and what it could do. She wouldn't look as she did in that dream anymore, he would fix her wounds.

Erik would be everything she ever needed, true support. And she cried with him, the rush of emotion filling her to the brim.

"I love you, Erik."

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 **A headcanon of mine for Meredy was that she literally does have philophobia. (Which is ironic because it correlates to her magic) So I never really shipped her with anyone, but Erik… Once proposed, it just made sense. She's got her feelings and he's got his thoughts. It makes sense, they were made for one another. Hope you enjoyed it**

 **~3 Newg**


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